I’m sitting at a restaurant and notice a gentleman having lunch with his children. He’s disheveled, middle aged and the kids appear to be about 8yrs old. If we were introduced, I wouldn’t hesitate to address him as “sir”, and use honorifics. Then it dawns on me: I could actually be older than him. It’s stunning to realize that many of the older people I see in society are about my age (or younger).
Seemingly overnight, over a fast decade or two, I have become the very person that most people in society would consider “old”. I’ve failed to update my metric for where I stand in society in terms of seniority; who’s older and who’s younger.
It’s a constant resetting of the age meter. When I see an older person, they appear to be my parent’s age (the age I remember them) and then realize that I am now in that same bracket. Of course my parents are much much older now, but that’s not how I remember them. My memory has them frozen in their 30’s and 40’s, spry, energetic and feisty.
It’s my consideration to show additional deference to elders, only to realize that this person may actually be younger than me… It’s a surreal reset. I’ve “graduated” from being a younger man to now being an elder. It hasn’t completely sunk in…
I’m often surprised to see “old” middle aged women, only to be reminded that we are about the same age. We may have gone to high school together. We probably grew up listening to similar music, and watching the same movies. I want to laugh at the sky.
We get trapped in an era. You can tell by the hairstyle and the wardrobe. The music and clothes. The mannerism and lingo. They are forever locked into an epoch.
I remember as a teenager about to purchase my first car. Vehicles that were 5 yrs old, looked utterly antiquated. Today, I can’t tell the difference between a car that’s brand new or 10 yrs old. A movie from 15 yrs ago looks contemporary. Music, fashion, seems ageless at this point, they all collapse into a single point of time, “today”. I can’t tell the difference anymore.
A younger me used to be able to guess someone’s age fairly well. Now, I can’t distinguish the difference between someone who’s 25 or 35.
In our minds we get frozen in an era. Maybe it’s different for everyone, whether that’s your college years, 20’s, 30’s etc. In our heads, we remain in that age group forever. Our bodies, faces, age and change with the rest of humanity, but in our internal universe, we remain the same twenty something.
They say that we can’t see our spouses aging. We notice the obvious age in other men’s spouses. Their women look old. But in our spouse, we see them as the young girl we first met. Forever youthful…
In the same way that parents will always see their children as “kids”, their “babies”, we see ourselves forever anchored to our self realized decade. Mirrors don’t lie and there’s a cognitive dissonance between who we think we are vs the person staring back at us.
So, I’m constantly having to “age down” those I see. At first glance, they look “old”, but then I’m reminded, wait… they’re actually younger than me.
It’s disconcerting the first time someone addresses you as “sir”, or “uncle”. In your mind, we’re peers, still college age, ready to take on the world.
We’re aging with the rest of them, and the world slowly changes how they perceive you, decade after decade. More gray hairs and wrinkles, society regards you differently. It’s subtle, you may not notice. Act your age they say…
Young women may have the toughest time adjusting, as their “beauty” privilege loses influence over time. Young handsome men as well, their loss of youth and strength.
In the West, there’s very little benefit to getting older. If anything, it’s a curse. Another insult they can hurl at you. In the East, age has its privileges. You’re now the wise older person, deserving of more consideration and respect, as Confucius says…
If you have children, it’s less a reality shock to realize you’ve gotten older. You can see your very age progress as your children grow up. They remind you every year to play your role as the parent and won’t miss the chance to call you old. They are a living metric of the aging process.
Whenever I see old movies from the 1930’s, 40’s, and 50’s… I like to look up the cast and see where they might be today. See how they’ve aged. The beautiful starlet and the handsome leading man. It’s sad to see them age over the decades in pictures (Google images). And then read about their death, how they died, their age, and what they looked like.
We see older people and imagine them as always having been old. We forget they used to be young and childish once. At what point do they get “old”? From child to young man, to older man to “old”?
Look around you, and see the world slowly aging. Surprise surprise, you’re not standing still, you’re aging right along with them. I may look past middle age, but I’m still that young man– restless, hungry, and ready to take on the world….
The End
