The other day, I was chatting with some friends, middle-aged, like me, with kids and businesses to juggle. I asked them what keeps them up at night as they move forward in life. Was it their children? Their business? Their health? Their personal future, or maybe their wives? What’s the biggest worry on a daily basis?
They said their kids.
Not because anything is wrong, nothing dramatic, no crises. Just an ongoing concern about their happiness and their future. That quiet, persistent worry seems to eclipse everything else. After that, it was their wives, their health, their well-being, their future. Business, personal growth, even their own health ranked lower.
As a parent, the worry never stops. Regardless of their age, there’s always concern. You can’t escape it. And yet, as a parent, you walk a tightrope, guiding without imposing, nudging without pushing. Sometimes what seems like a “wrong” decision may be the very one they need to make. Because it’s in their mistakes, in their own choices, that they begin to take ownership of their lives.
We find purpose and meaning through our children. It’s one of the most natural and grounded things a person can do, biologically, socially, and evolutionarily. Most people should have children. It gives them an anchor, a responsibility that roots them in the present and in the future. In the community. In the rhythm of life.
Without that, without something tying you to tomorrow, many people drift into nihilism, hedonism, or a kind of live-in-the-moment mode that slides toward meaninglessness.
Children give you a stake in the future, something that will outlast you. They connect you to humanity, to society, to something larger than yourself. They keep you from drifting.
Starting a business can serve a similar function. It gives you a role, a connection to others. A business isn’t just about profit, it’s about contribution. Responsibility. Value. You try to do good, take care of your employees, make something worthwhile. That gives you purpose too. But having children? That’s a different level entirely. It’s primal. It’s emotional. It’s real in a way a business can’t be, because you’re dealing with people, not products. Not logos. Not services. Real human beings with eyes, with faces, with souls. That connection runs deeper than any business ever could.
If someone asks how to find meaning in life, the simplest answer is: have children. They root you in the world, in your biology, in your culture. We’re genetically programmed to want this. Society reinforces it. And it makes sense, physically, emotionally, even intellectually.
But finding purpose through children is, in a sense, no different than finding purpose through solving hunger or discomfort. When you’re starving, your purpose is food. When you’re cold, it’s shelter. When you’re lonely, it’s relationships. These are base-level drives.
Once someone’s material needs are met; food, shelter, safety, family, then what?
That’s when the transcendent challenge begins. That’s when people start seeking a higher purpose. Because the primal motivators are quieted. They’re no longer in survival mode. And in that quiet, the meta-rational mind begins to ask: Why?
This is where we often feel empty, unmotivated, and lost. It’s why so many retirees fall into endless loops of entertainment, movies, sports, golf, fishing, travel, food. Unfortunately, not to deepen their lives, but to escape the absence of purpose. They’re not searching for meaning; they’re trying to fill the void where meaning should be.
I believe we all carry an internal map, a puzzle we’ve been assembling since childhood, something that helps us make sense of life. Whether or not we’re conscious of it, that puzzle is forming. If you’re intellectually or spiritually curious, if you’re self-aware, you’re working on it deliberately, intentionally, and with purpose. Every experience, every conversation, every failure and lesson becomes another piece. It’s an engagement in the process of discovery, about deepening the image that’s taking shape.
Traveling can be part of that, not just beaches and restaurants, not just amusement, but something that pushes you outside routine and familiarity. Something that sharpens your focus. Hiking, surfing, seeing the world, sure, all of that is fine. But if it’s in engagement with crystallizing the puzzle, of seeing the bigger picture, it can be much more meaningful.
Because life is a mystery. An adventure. And suffering.
But if you’re awake, if you’re self-aware, you can use experience to build that puzzle. You can draw meaning from learning, from relationships, from pain, and from love.
Everyone is on their own path. Everyone lives in their own inner world, and it’s rarely visible from the outside. Nobody hears the private dialogue playing inside another person’s head. Their appearance may tell you nothing of their reality. We struggle with a smile and a smirk. And that’s why there’s no need or value in comparing paths. Your puzzle and journey is your own.
Religion offers some respite. It provides a ready-made map, a path to follow. It simplifies the journey, giving people clarity and structure. You can walk a well-worn road or carve out your own. Follow the road many have traveled or choose to draw yours from scratch. There’s no right or wrong. Everyone has their journey to discover and you’re only accountable to yourself.
If you choose to walk your own path, be open to changing it. If you learn something that contradicts the picture you’ve been drawing, you have to be willing to erase and redraw. That’s part of the work. Humility and self-honesty. The pursuit of truth.
Beyond the base needs of being human, there’s a deeper question we must confront: What does it mean to be truly human, alive, conscious and aware?
That’s the journey.
Not just to survive. Not to chase dopamine. If that were the goal, we might as well be buzzed out on chemicals. The real goal is to be meta-present. Meta-conscious. To be, and to know what it means to be alive. To stand in front of the mirror and say: I’m here. I’m real. I exist. I am more than this shell.
Once you arrive at that place, you begin a different kind of journey: the pursuit of meaning. Of depth. Of a purpose that transcends pleasure, need or mood.
That’s when the adventure of life takes on greater profundity. Every action and experience carves deeper into eternity. Discovering and drawing your puzzle becomes central to mind. The mystery of life is real and suffering never far behind. The puzzle shifts, evolves and deepens. Sometimes it even shatters. The searching and questions never end. Share it with others with humility. Reflect, draw and refine.
And maybe, on the highest level, that is the purpose.
The End
